


Henry and the Empty Man

by ToothPasteCanyon (DannyFenton123)



Series: Transcendence AU [4]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence (Gravity Falls), Gen, Humor, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 03:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20324416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DannyFenton123/pseuds/ToothPasteCanyon
Summary: Henry takes a lot of hands. Some of their owners don't take it well, and resort to scribbling bad poetry on the walls.





	Henry and the Empty Man

When I toss and turn at night

And stare up at the fan

I’ll often think upon a face

That I call Empty Man.

Empty Man, he sucked me dry

He laid me at his feet

And with his hand and heavy axe

He cleaved me incomplete.

He took my hands, he hung them high

Like stringing out some clothes to dry

They drip with red, they drip with sin

And Empty Man, he does begin

To use them in peculiar ways:

I feel my hands on many days

Reach down to load the clothes machine

Or scrub the knives and forks most clean

Or take the trash, replace the bag

And wipe the lid off with a rag

Or grab the mop and wipe the floor

So many chores I do abhore

So many pointless tasks, you see

Those hands were meant for more - for me!

And yet each night I fail to sleep

When Empty Man commands them, “Sweep!”

This is not fair, I tell my fan

It is quite unjust

To feel my hands so hamstrung

And see my plans go bust

Does Empty Man have ears?

He did not hear my pleas

I do know of his eyes, though

His stare did make me freeze

And lying on the mattress

Glaring at the dawn

I did devise a cunning plan

(and gave a sleepy yawn)

Empty Man, you want my hands?

Then you shall find no better

But since you know not their proper use

I must inform you - with a letter!

My hands hang idle this morning

So I give them a good stretch

Then find something long and sharp

And on the floorboards I do etch:

“Hello my dear Empty Man,

I’ll have you know I did not plan

On speaking to you after our last encounter

When you - I say it lightly - put quite the downer

On my plans for world domination

When despite my gesticulation

You added these hands to the gruesome assortment

That ever-dangles from your head and by the way

YOU FUCKING MONSTER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY DO YOU COLLECT HANDS???

...Sorry, that was impolite, quite aggressive.

(But also, your habit seems rather excessive -

Why not coins? Why not literally anything else?

Why not some nice books you can display on a shelf?)

But I digress, Empty Man, if you must enmesh

Your antlers with hunks of _actual human flesh_

Then I must insist, as a generous sponsor

That you treat my gift with a little more honour!

No more working these hands of mine

They can’t be washing plates; they should dine!

And the broom? I’m quite sick of splinters, sir!

If I must, I’ll use the duster

(That much effort, I can muster)

But nothing more, and not for long!

These hands are more skilled than the general throng

Like with piano - I can play a tune most mournful

And make even a creature like you feel remorseful

I could make you weep tears from those holes you call eyes

(If you could cry, of course. I won’t assume; that’s unwise.)

And please don’t mistake me for bragging, of course!

Why, I am so skilled, I needn’t endorse

Myself with anything but mere fact

And I’ll say, if you hadn’t caught me in the act

I would’ve made a fine emperor of the universe!

So please, while you’ve got me under this stupid curse

_At least_ try to treat me with the respect I deserve

After all, my most vacuous friend-”

Wait, what are you doing?

You’re taking control?

Oh, what are you forcing on these hands now?

A… a hammer? Hah! This must be a troll!

And nails - wh-what are you planning?

Answer me! You can hear this, please tell me you can!

...What? No, I wrote my letter on those floorboards!

Don’t make these hands pry them up!_ Empty Man! EMPTY MAN! _


End file.
